I don’t feel the breastfeeding bond…

This is kind of my guilty secret I guess. My baby is now 8 months old, and is exclusively breastfeed. She has been since being born, and has never had formula milk.

However, I don’t breastfeed because I feel the magical bond I’ve heard so many others talk about. If anything, I don’t like it very much. She pulls and tugs, I don’t like to feed her when others are around, if leaving her I have to plan around her feeds and..well, I just am not that keen on breastfeeding.

I’ll continue to a year now. I did search about how to wean to formula when she reached 6 months but couldn’t find any information (maybe I searched the wrong thing.) if I’d really wanted to, I’d have stopped. But guilt made me continue feeding her. And I’m glad I still feed her, even though I don’t like it much. Because its best for her, because she’s happy and healthy and wonderful.

I wish I felt the special feeling that others describe. When I look at her feeding I don’t feel much at all if i’m honest – it’s a task rather than a pleasure. Maybe this is because I had the most awful beginning – I felt like crying at every feed, not wanting to continue but forcing myself through the pain. Then there was poor attachment (this may have been imagined, but it never felt ‘right.’) I don’t know really.

I love my baby with everything I am. I love both my girls so so much, they mean the world to me and make me so happy, so fulfilled and I’m proud to be their mum. But breastfeeding for me is not special, or wonderful, or any of those other things. It’s something I did because I wanted the best for my baby, and because I had a (completely irrational) fear that giving her formula would somehow give her life long health problems.

I look forward to the day when I don’t have to breastfeed anymore. When my body is back to normal. Is this selfish? Probably. Will my feeling change? I doubt it. I’ve been waiting for special feelings for 8 months now. If they haven’t happened so far, I don’t think they will.

Xxx

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3 responses to “I don’t feel the breastfeeding bond…

  1. I think this is a really honest post. Both my girls were exclusively breastfed and at 11 months LL is down to just two feeds a day. I adore it and I know I will be sad when it is over as I think she is going to be our last baby, but I do understand what you mean, She pulls me and pinches me and grabs me throughout! x

  2. So glad I found this post, I’m feeling the same way. My LO is 9 months and never took a bottle. (Or I should say my husband never had the patience to work with her, she took a bottle from him twice but any other time she fussed he would give up). I plan on nursing for a year but it’s really just for nutritional reasons. As much as I hated feedings, especially the overnight ones, I felt like I could never justify putting her on formula since I’m a SAHM and she’s my only child. I don’t have a job to go back to where she would need to go on a bottle and pumping was even more of a chore than feeding. I really don’t feel that we bond the most at feedings, they’re usually before nap time or bed time so she nods off often. I feel more of a bond when we’re playing or reading together. She’s a really independent eater, she’s been trying to feed herself with a bowl and spoon and she only drinks from a regular cup and only takes finger foods straight up, no sippy cups or mesh food holders. I’m hoping this means she’ll be keen on completely weaning soon. I want my boobs back haha! I think honest posts like yours are important for moms who are in the same boat. All you ever hear about is how all these magical good feelings are supposed to happen when I’m sure more women than would like to admit never feel anything of the sort. I think the best advice I ever got was from my friend who nursed her daughter for almost 2 years. Breastfeeding is hard!

    • Thank you for your lovely comment, I’m glad you enjoyed this post. I agree with everything you have written too – I prefer the ‘playing’ times. I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels this way, there were times when I thought it meant I didn’t have the ‘right’ feelings. Xxx

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