This is kind of my guilty secret I guess. My baby is now 8 months old, and is exclusively breastfeed. She has been since being born, and has never had formula milk.
However, I don’t breastfeed because I feel the magical bond I’ve heard so many others talk about. If anything, I don’t like it very much. She pulls and tugs, I don’t like to feed her when others are around, if leaving her I have to plan around her feeds and..well, I just am not that keen on breastfeeding.
I’ll continue to a year now. I did search about how to wean to formula when she reached 6 months but couldn’t find any information (maybe I searched the wrong thing.) if I’d really wanted to, I’d have stopped. But guilt made me continue feeding her. And I’m glad I still feed her, even though I don’t like it much. Because its best for her, because she’s happy and healthy and wonderful.
I wish I felt the special feeling that others describe. When I look at her feeding I don’t feel much at all if i’m honest – it’s a task rather than a pleasure. Maybe this is because I had the most awful beginning – I felt like crying at every feed, not wanting to continue but forcing myself through the pain. Then there was poor attachment (this may have been imagined, but it never felt ‘right.’) I don’t know really.
I love my baby with everything I am. I love both my girls so so much, they mean the world to me and make me so happy, so fulfilled and I’m proud to be their mum. But breastfeeding for me is not special, or wonderful, or any of those other things. It’s something I did because I wanted the best for my baby, and because I had a (completely irrational) fear that giving her formula would somehow give her life long health problems.
I look forward to the day when I don’t have to breastfeed anymore. When my body is back to normal. Is this selfish? Probably. Will my feeling change? I doubt it. I’ve been waiting for special feelings for 8 months now. If they haven’t happened so far, I don’t think they will.