The ordinary moments -anxiety

Okay, so Im my head today I was going to write about something lovely. But then I thought that this is my blog, and this is ordinary for me at the moment. Sorry for the negativity, but everything can’t be perfect all of the time.

I work 2.5 days a week as a social worker for people with dementia. I love parts of my job, but since I returned after maternity leave part time I’ve found it really hard to manage – to sum it up I have a lot of cases which eat all of my time up, leaving no time for my supervisees or making dementia services better. On paper it’s perfect – a balance of home and work, but the reality is that I don’t manage at work, which impacts hugely on home.

I finish on a Wednesday lunchtime. And for a couple of days it’s usually okay. But then the anxiety starts to kick in. It starts as a niggle, thinking about if somebody has been okay, or thinking about how something may have gone. And then it grows – I start thinking of my to do list (always at about 20 tasks – never goes down). And I start to think about how I’m not managing – the time I have isn’t enough to do the kind of job I want to be able to do. And I’m drowning when I’m at work, unable to do everything.

And the anxiety just creeps up and up, and from Saturday night onwards I struggle. I start to dread Mondays. I don’t sleep well. I sometimes get snappy with my family as my mind is on work.

And I don’t like it. I hate the feeling, and I hate knowing that Monday is coming. I need to change my job and I know this, as my mental health is not always good. But I also don’t want to get another social work job until my girls are older – which means a pay cut. And possibly an increase in hours. I’m holding out until after Christmas, as this time of year is expensive. But it’s hard.

I am sorry to put all of this in my blog, but it is a normal part of my life over the past 3 months, and one I am struggling with.

To join in with the ordinary moments you can join in at mummy daddy me

Xxx

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10 responses to “The ordinary moments -anxiety

  1. So sorry you feel this way, that sounds really hard. Is there any way you could make your role a job share? That’s what I do (when I’m not on maternity leave) and it’s made my work a lot more manageable. It’s really helped me being able to share the responsibility and ongoing to-do lists as well as the actual weekly tasks.

  2. I’m always in a million minds about what’s best to do about work. I don’t earn much now but it means I get to spend a lot of time with Gwenn. But if I worked more then what would be the chilcare cost implications? Would it be worth it? Would working more have a detrimental affect on my mental health, because working part-time is one of the things that helps me deal with that. But then what about the future and the fact we can’t afford to save for it?

    So many questions!

    I totally empathise with how you are feeling.

    x

    #theordinarymoments

  3. Oh that does sound really tough, and it’s no fun to be doing something that really gets you down. I hope you find a way to relieve the stress and worry soon x

  4. I am sorry you are struggling with work and things, it’s so hard. Decisions and life things are hard to deal with sometimes and I hope you can figure out what’s best for your family soon. I have been working freelance for almost 12 months now and while I love it, I often find it stressful. I struggle managing my time and money and also just generally find it hard to switch off. After a tiring week, this weekend I let it all get on top of me and had a good cry, which helped me feel a lot better. x

  5. Hey its okay! This is your blog and you have the luxury to vent out here. Its been hard in my household as well. I need to work and I cant just find any. I hope that you can find some time to rest your mind of all the things that worries you. Better said than done I know but I do wish. Sending you hugs too. #TheOrdinaryMoments

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