Half a decade ago my first baby was born. A whole half decade of love; I cannot remember how life was without her. I sometimes look at the time before she was with us, and remember lay ins, hobbies, a tidy house, organisation and – a kind of lostness. Before Amelia I didn’t really know who I was or who I could be. I was scared that I didn’t know how to be a Mum, that I would mess it all up.
And I do mess it up sometimes. I shout when I should stay calm. I get cross where I should laugh. I get stressed at times. I’m human, and I’m still me.
But. I also laugh a lot. I love morning snuggles with little ones on my head, talking random chat. I wake to smiles, to love. I enjoy the company and chatter of my clever, lovely Daughter. I have loved watching her grow from a tiny baby – on her first night with us I didn’t sleep at all but just looked at her all night. And from then I knew I would do anything for her, she captured my heart. And she still captures my heart. I love my girl, and always will.
I don’t know what is in her future. But I do know that I will never ever stop loving my oldest baby. She is funny, kind, loving, stubborn, grumpy at times and clever. She is grown but still naïve yet – she believes that fairies come and eat the fairy cakes that she makes. She believes that I am a fairy who peeps In on her at School each day. She knows that she is loved.
We have had a busy few days. A birthday tea party, seeing the people we love the most in the world. Family that I know support us all, and love my girls as much as I do. Lots of fun, memories made. And a lucky and slightly spoilt little girl who has gone to bed very happy and tired.
Thank you to our families for loving Amelia as much as we do. Thank you for loving us too. We don’t know what we would do without you.