Monthly Archives: January 2015

My children…

A random update on my girls:

You are 5 now. You said the other day that you cannot wait to be six (in 10 months!). I want to keep you just as you are now, I am happy for you to tke your time at five. Everything is ‘absolutely’ – you are ‘absolutely’ hungry, ‘absolutely’ excited etc. you love craft – like earlier on you found a random box and disappeared I to your bedroom to make something. You came out with it all pretty – tissue paper stuck on with smiley fact stickers. You love being ‘crafty’ and I try to leave you to it now, as I think it’s good that you work out what you want to do and achieve it.
And you are well and truly into the poo jokes stage. The other day in the car on the way home, everything was ‘poo’ related – poo car, poo sky, poo planet etc – you get the idea. You find it all so funny, and don’t get why I ask you not to use these jokes all of the time. It drives me a bit nuts but makes me smile at the same time.
And you are so very clever. You are writing and reading at school. You have moved to the higher maths group, and keep getting good notes home. And you have just started after school yoga, which you are really enjoying.
You live films. We have film night each Friday – a now set in stone tradition – with a slightly different tea – pizza, or curry, or hot dogs, and usually some popcorn or sweets. And we watch a film all together, technology is banned. It is a special night of the week and I look forward to it as much as you. And I think that your favourite part is dancing to the credits at the end of each film.
You are a truly special little girl, and I am very proud of you. We argue, you shout a lot, are grumpy and a bit of a madam, but you love to be funny, are clevel, loving and a fantastic big sister. You really do look out for Rosie and love cuddles, kisses and playing with her.

My 20 month little monkey. You are so determined – you know exactly what you want all of the time. Only you can’t quite tell us what you want. You know words – yessss and no, and juice, and shoes (they sound the same!) and hello. You are not talking like your big sister was, you are taking your time more. But you still do plenty of ‘chatting’ – all of which I don’t understand a word of.
You love your grandad Billy. You love all of us, but he has a bit of a special place in your heart – if he comes you don’t like him leaving without you, and you do love your special time with him.
You have a sweet tooth. You love cake (you know that word too!) and turn your head at my attempts to keep you healthy – you won’t eat vegetables much, and slough you eat well, I do have to sneak veggies down you a bit. You love fruit though, and breakfast.
You joined in with film night with us last week – snuggled up next to Amelia on the sofa in the blanket watching tinker bell. You loved it, you give me such a huge smile and love it.
You are a happy little thing most of the time; huge smiles, giggles and I enjoy your company. I love our Thursdays and Fridays just me and you when I’m not at work – we tend to have quiet days just being together.
I love you so much little girl xxx



Rest in peace…

Today at work something unexpected happened that made my day stand still for a time.

I visited a lady who was dying in the hospital. It is a lady who I have worked with for three years. A lady who I started working with to put in support at home, and who I have helped to support to stay at home since. A lady with a loving family, a supporting and dedicated husband. A lady who was diagnosed with dementia before I got involved with her, who over the years changed gradually from a lady who loved babies, never stopped moving and always wanted to be busy, to a lady who was unable to talk, walk, feed herself and needed support with everything in her life.

That sounds negative, but it isn’t. She is a lady who is loved hugely – her husband celebrated her achievements throughout – she was a lady who would randomly say the occasional word and make us laugh. A lady who was stubborn to the end, a lady who was kept safe, secure and was calm and happy.

I have grown close to the family. I treat them as I would any other family, but I know them well – they trusted me to do my job, which was a huge change – when I first met them the husband told me that he didn’t think I would do what I had agreed to do. By always doing what I said, by being honest and clear and by listening we built a relationship – I can honestly say that I have always tried my very best to support all of my families, but with this family it just worked well – it hasn’t always been easy – I get weekly (and sometimes daily) calls about things, and things went wrong in the support and it wasn’t simple, but we found our way through it and made it work.

Today that lady took her last breath. I was there when she did, and I was honoured to have been there. We were talking about her coming home to pass away at home. But she had other ideas, and took her last breath. I (and her family) can’t help feeling that she was looking for her husband to accept it until she could leave.

It was peaceful, and it just was. Death isn’t scary – it’s sad, and it’s hard for those left behind. But it’s just what has to happen, and she had a natural, calm and peaceful death. The way it should be.

I am proud to say that I have supported this lady, and her family.

It is not often that I feel it, but today I am proud that I am a social worker because it means that I could help this family. I can help all of the families I work with, sometimes in small ways and sometimes in big ones. It doesn’t matter – what matters is that I can make someone else’s life a little better, and that’s really really important. Today, I have been reminded of what matters more than anything.

Rest in peace my lovely.


The ordinary moments – Sharing a bedroom..

As a child, I shared a room with my little sister. There was a spare room in the house, but we chose to share, and I have some really great memories of giggles at bedtime, cheeky bed jumping and sharing secrets that I wouldn’t change for the world.

Just after Christmas (Boxing Day night) we made the decision to put the girls in together. This is because Rosie (our 1 year old) just wasn’t settling at night. She was up every night crying for hours – we tried all the settling techniques – going in at 5 minute intervals, not talking to her and laying her back down etc, and we tried being firm, and being gentle – nothing worked. It was just like she was scared on her own. And because it’s a cold room we were worried about her spending so long standing in her cot each night…

So, we put them in together. Rosie in the travel cot at first to test it, and then permanently.

It’s worked amazingly well. The girls have grown such a strong bond in the past 2 weeks – they were close anyway, but Rosie hasn’t always wanted much to do with Amelia – however, now we put Rosie to bed and then Amelia after 20 – 30 minutes. And we hear Amelia making funny noises and Rosie giggling, and the occasional ‘go to sleep Rosie’ from Amelia. And then they settle down.

And in the morning, we hear Amelia chatting to Rosie. This morning she was telling Rosie about the plans for the week (‘I’m at school tomorrow Rosie, but you are with grandad and I know you like grandad don’t you Rosie’) and Rosie just replies (‘yeah’) every now and again, it makes me smile.

It’s made their relationship stronger without a doubt – in the day they run around playing, Rosie follows Amelia all over and they chat and play. It’s really really sweet, and something I hope they continue with.



My 2015 bucket List…

I have spent some time thinking about resolutions this year. However, i don’t really want to make any. I’m fed up with not following them, or forgetting about them half way through the year. So instead i want to have a bucket list – things i hope to achieve this year. Here’s my list:

1. Have a healthier 2015. Yes, i know it’s a cliche. Doesn’t mean it isn’t possible though. I want to look at 2015 as the year i sorted my diet / exercise out. And i have my 30th and my sisters wedding this year, so have some targets to aim for to.

2. To spend quality time with Craig. We are a busy family. We juggle work ( we only have one day off together a week), school, seeing those we love, and home improvements. It all gets too much sometimes. We will remain busy, but i want to steal back a bit of time for me and Craig to enjoy – evenings at home i want to put aside time for us.

3. To improve our home. This year, i hope to have the back room, hallway and the front room completed. We are in progress, so we will have to see what the year brings…

4. To find a balance at work. This year is decision year….i need to decide if my heart is still in my job. I need some time to reflect on what i want from my future – and what i don’t want.

5. To be brave. To have the courage to try new recipes, new hobbies, new ways of being. I feel that self doubt has held me back a bit this year, but no more.

6. Linked to above – to run. I want to do a 10k by the end of this year.

7. To grow something. A fruit or a vegetable.

8. To make more effort. With playing, with tidying, with being organised. I need to take control of things, and make sure that my life and home are how i would like them to be.

9. To finish my cross stitch. I’m a few months off – this year needs to be the year i finish it – its been about 2 years since i started it.

10. To have a night away. With my sisters and Mum, a shopping weekend.

11. To go camping.

12. To see a show.

13. To look nice. To treat myself to new things when i need them, to do my hair, to put make up on. To make myself feel confident.

14. Go to a comedy roadshow this year.

15. To read 30 books. I will record on goodreads.

16. To think about what i want my blog to be. This is something i haven’t decided yet

17. To visit Liverpool.

18. To visit London.

19. To take Amelia to Lincoln on the train.

20. To see my friends – to spend more time being me with those who like me.

I’ll leave it there. There are some big ambitions, some small ones. Some one off’s, some on-going aims. Overall, i want to be me, to like being me, and to show my family how much i love them.