Tag Archives: Blogging

Six…

Amelia was 6 on Tuesday. I kept thinking about it all day – the day 6 whole years ago when she was born. The newness of the experience, the strangeness of it. The pain, that you know is coming but can never prepare for. The amazement of holding my baby in my arms for the first time. The relief at her being healthy. The relief of the pain ending. I said to Craig when we were alone (the first thing I said to him!) that I am never going through it again. I did, of course, but at the time I didn’t even know how I had got through it.

The first 6 days were a bubble. We spent them in the maternity home, and it was like being there protected us from reality. I was desperate to leave, and yet needed the safety and security of having people there to advice, help and reassure. Like the night I spent up with Amelia all night, and the nurse popped in and said I was doing a fantastic job. 

I know it’s all a cliche, but I don’t know how time has moved so fast. 6 years ago I had a tiny baby. Now I have a little girl. A girl who is independent, stubborn, clever. Who talks about the sun being made of gas, and the rings of Saturn being made of ice and rock (she loves planets). A girl who plays barbi’s, but gets ‘nervous’ if we are watching her play – she likes to play them on her own. A girl who will argue forever when she thinks she is right, who takes everything literally. Who got 10/10 today in her spelling test. A girl who is unique, and wonderful.

Amelia said she had the ‘best birthday ever.’ She was at school, so I took a cake in and got her a badge. We had a party tea with family round. They played pass the parcel and musical statues. Her nana boon made a beautiful cake. Amelia loved being at the centre of attention (as always!) and loved her presents. She especially loves her new barbi dolls, she has them with her most of the time. 

It was a busy day. But a day with family, with the people who love Amelia the most, as much as me and Craig do. I love that girl so much. It is so hard to believe that the baby i first held is the little girl of now. It’s almost as though the girl has sneaked up on me without me realising – I want to remember every second and yet still I forget sometimes. I forget moments I treasured at thape time. 

Amelia, i know I tell you every day. But I am so proud of who you are. I love you now and I will forever. I don’t always get things right – in fact, it feels like with you I always get it wrong – you are such a complex little girl at times and I struggle to find the right way to parent you. But I love your confidence, te way you will stand up for what you believe and won’t just go with the crowd. They are qualities that will help you in your future.

I love you sweetheart. Xxx



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Life lately…

Hello.

It’s been a long time since I last blogged anything. I just stopped wanting to. It started to seem too much like a chore and became something I was making myself do rather than enjoying. So I just stopped for a while. I’ve done other things in between – a bit of reading, playing Sims 4,  watching Jonathan Creek on Netflix (leklix in Rosie speak). 

Now I’m back again – just as suddenly as before I felt that I really wanted to do a post. Because I like having a place to record my family memories, and to capture my life. I feel very lucky to have the kind of life that I do, and I want to have a place to look back and think about how great our family times were, and to smile at my family and the things we have done. 

And how are we? Well, the same as always would be the short answer. Still working, still busy, still stressed at times. But also still laughing, still enjoying life. We have had a brilliant summer and Autumn, and are just starting to ink about Amelia’s 6th birthday in 9 days, and after that Christmas (my favourite time of year). 

So this is my post to let people know that I will be posting again (I know, I know) and I will be back again tomorrow, about a change that we have made in our family that has only been made for a few days but has already made a difference to us all. I’ll end with a couple of photos of my girls I think.

Bye for now xx







Remember Me by Lesley Pearse

The Blurb

In 1786 a fisherman’s daughter from Cornwall called Mary Broad was sentenced to be hung for theft. But her sentence was commuted, and she was transported to Australia, one of the first convicts to arrive there.

How Mary escaped the harsh existence of the colony and found true love, and how she was captured and taken back to London in chains, only to be released after a trial where she was defended by no less than James Boswell, is one of the most gripping and moving stories of human endeavour (based on an amazing true story) you will ever read.

My Thoughts

I really enjoyed this book. It is based on a true story, and parts of it disturbed me so much that I have spent a lot of time thinking about them since. For me, a good book is one which will stay with me, and parts of this will. I can’t talk too much about which bits without giving too much away, but I’ll just say that there is  heartbreak and tragedy within the story.

I liked the main character – the author has written her cleverly, and made her likeable, strong and resourceful. I thought some of the other characters were sometimes a bit vague, and faded out of the story a bit fast without much further thought. I suppose part of that is because there are a large number of ‘extra’ characters in the book – too many in a way as it means they all get a bit confusing.

Best Bits…

I liked the main character – the author has written her cleverly, and made her likeable, strong and resourceful. I had a lot of empathy with / sympathy for, and I wish I knew more about her life after the story was finished. Mary made this story into something special.

I liked the way that the realities of the colonies in Australia was written. Now, it’s easy to see those who were transported as lucky to have landed somewhere so beautiful, but this book shows how awful it was in the beginning, and how difficult things were in great detail. It also all came across as very ‘real’ – although the details of the reality will never be known, I felt that this story is probably something close to the reality.

The Bad Bits…

I thought some of the other characters were sometimes a bit vague, and faded out of the story a bit fast without much further thought. I suppose part of that is because there are a large number of ‘extra’ characters in the book – too many in a way as it means they all get a bit confusing.

Other than this, overall I really did enjoy this book and will look for others by this author – it is not what I expected when I picked it, and some parts of it will remain in my mind for a long time to come.

4/5 stars.

The ordinary moments – aunties.

My girls have three aunties – they are hv lucky as all three love the girls unconditionally, and all of them love spending time with them, and all three love to treat them when they can.

My sister Lydia bought Amelia the Elsa and Ana dresses – Lydia is almost 18, and spent her hard earned money on these gifts for Amelia, just because she wanted to make her happy. It means the world to me that she did that, and Amelia loves her dress up dressed 🙂

Yesterday, my sister Sarah came to visit us all and bought Amelia a cake for after her tea – she put Amelia in bed, and she is brilliant with the girls – she always has time for them and will always go out of her way to help out where she can.

Last weekend my girls Auntie (and my almost sister in law – she would be if we were married!) Abi came home from London. She has lived in London since Amelia was a baby, and it is her home now. We still see plenty of her though – she comes home, and when she does the girls absolutely love to see her. She bought them beautiful matching dresses, and Amelia a dress up dress. My girls are very lucky (and a bit spoilt!)

The girls has a really good relationship with all of her aunties. I love that Amelia and Rosie will always have someone to turn to for anything they might need. I love that they will always have their family that love them unconditionally for who they are.

Seeing their aunties is both an ordinary moment, but is always a special moment too.

Abi, Sarah and Lydia, if you read this, we love you and you are all amazing. My girls are very lucky, and so am I. Xxx

Xxx

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The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield

The blurb…

Angelfield House stands abandoned and forgotten. It was once home to the March family – fascinating, manipulative Isabelle, brutal, dangerous Charlie, and the wild, untamed twins, Emmeline and Adeline. But Angelfield House hides a chilling secret which strikes at the very heart of each of them, tearing their lives apart…

Now Margaret Lea is investigating Angelfield’s past – and the mystery of the March family starts to unravel. What has Angelfield been hiding? What is its connection with the enigmatic writer Vida Winter? And what is the secret that strikes at the heart of Margaret’s own, troubled life?

As Margaret digs deeper, two parallel stories unfold, and the tale she uncovers sheds a disturbing light on her own life…

My Thoughts…

This book is the kind of book I love. A lot o my favourite books are books set in different timeframes, and this has become one of my favourites. It did remind me of Kate Morton’s ‘The Forgotten Garden’ so if you liked that you will like this.

It was like a fairy-tale in places, and it had all of the things I look for – suspense, interesting characters, some amazing writing and a story that you remember after putting down the book. It showed human nature at it’s best and worst. I just loved it, and would recommend it to anyone looking for a good read.

The best bits…

Some of the phrases used in this book really stuck with me. For example:

“People disappear when they die. Their voice their laughter, the warmth of their breath….Yet for some there is a exception to this annihilation. For in the books they write they continue to exist.”

“There is something about words. In expert hands, manipulated deftly, they take you prisoner. Wind themselves around your limbs like spider silk.”

Beautiful phrases, metaphors which I think describes the joy I get from reading.

I loved the story. Everything was so well described, from the old decaying mansion to the children and the families. The story was built up gradually.  It is hard to explain without giving anything away but the ending is a surprising one, and one which had me checking back through the book to make sure I had it all right.

The bad bits

For me, there were none. I enjoyed the whole story from beginning to end, and when I closed the book I felt that I had read something really good.

5 stars.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Thirteenth-Tale-Diane-Setterfield/dp/0752881671/ref=dp_return_2?ie=UTF8&n=266239&s=books

I was not asked to review this book, or compensated in any way. I have reviewed it because I wanted to 🙂

Not knowing what to write..

I can write. In fact, I can write well. I spend a lot of time writing at work – care plans, assessments, e-mails, minutes and lots more. A lot of time is spent at a computer, just writing. And I can do that. I like to use words to capture the person – their skills, hobbies, past and present. I do it everyday.

Writing my blog though is different. My words never seem enough – I feel as though I never quite ‘say’ what I am trying to say, or get across the complete joy in sharing a special moment with one of my girls. Moments like last night, when Rosie fell asleep on me for the first time in months, and I got cuddles before putting her in her bed. Or Amelia drawing me a picture and writing ‘mum’ on it. These things mean so much to me – these are the things I want to remember.

I think that reading blogs makes writing a blog harder. I love all of the blogs I read. I think there are some amazing writers, and people who give so much time to their little space on the Internet. I have laughed, cried, thought about things in new ways or just learnt about how others live.

I think I need to think about why I blog. I’ve thought about giving it up – time is precious when work gobbles up so much of it, and I have my girls, my house to sort out and also when I have things to do for me – watching Netflix, reading, watching british bake off. These are things for me. Blogging has become a chore in some ways, and something tap hat I haven’t wanted to do because it seems like hard work.

But I love to blog too. I like to share different things. So I will carry on. I just need to think about how.

Xxx

Struggling to blog…

Since returning to work, blogging has got more difficult. It’s not that I don’t have ideas, but it’s that at work I spend a lot of time writing – assessments, reviews, referrals, care plans, minutes….it means that a lot of my time is spent writing. And because I only do 2.5 days, I’m not done by the time I finish. I’ve put aside 2 evenings per week (Wednesday and Sunday nights) to catch up and keep on top of my workload. During my working days I prefer to be out and about as much as I can, seeing the people I’m working with. So paperwork is done in between. It has to be done though or services can’t be requested, the system gets confused and if things come up when I’m not there, the duty worker doesn’t know what’s already been done.

That all means that im tired. And on the 5 nights when I won’t let myself work (I think I would if I didn’t put strict limits on it) I just can’t face the thought of more typing. Even though I love my blog, and I love recording my life, it feels like too much.

So I don’t quite know what to do. I’m on holiday next Friday for a week anywayso I won’t have a signal or chance to blog then. When I come back I guess that I will see how I feel. I don’t want to give my blog up, but maybe i will only blog occasionally, as and when I want to, rather than making myself write posts that I’m too tired to write.

Other than that, work this week has been stressful. It’s got really busy for me – its been playing on my mind a lot, and I’m struggling. I’ll get used to it again, like I did before – I still love it, but it does take a lot out of me. Next week is already completely booked up, and the week after I’m on holiday, so I have a lot to do during my work evenings!

But – the positive is that I’m mentoring a student at the minute – she’s going to be a good social worker when she’s done her training – and twice this week two different service users have told her that if she’s learning from me that she will do well. It’s something that they wouldn’t usually say, but was nice to hear. The student said how nice it was for them to say too. Those little positives make the hard work worth doing 🙂

And my children are wonderful, as always. Amelia is so funny – making loads of jokes now:
‘Mum, why did the chicken cross the road?’
‘I don’t know Amelia, why?’
‘To get to the wine shop for a drink.’
(Maybe I should stop drinking wine!)

And every variation you can think of on this joke.

Rosie has been fine with Tracey. She lights up my day – going to her In the morning, she gives me the biggest smile, and comes for snuggles with me. Only me, if Craig goes in to her she looks for me – she loves him too, but mornings are for me. And when we pick her up we get huge smiles, giggles, excited fake coughs and it’s wonderful. It makes being apart worth it when we pick her up to so much love.

And it’s my birthday (29th) on Saturday. We are going for an Indian in the evening without the girls, I’m really excited. AND it’s grand national day on my birthday – always feels like good luck when that happens. It’s the only race I bet on, and I get excited about it.

So everything’s pretty good generally – we have a good balance right now. I just need to figure out how to fit blogging in to a very busy life!

Xxxx

No more stats…

I’ve been thinking all day about blogging. More specifically, at why I’ve been blogging.

I’ve had a bit of a confidence crisis in the last week. I love blogging, and I like my blog (I always want to twiddle,but overall I enjoy reading it back) and although still pretty new, I’m enjoying it. I especially like getting to know other people through their blogs, and knowing that I’m not alone in some of the opinions or feelings I have.

But – lately I’ve started looking at stats. And suddenly, as soon as I did my blog went from ‘fun’ to being more like an added pressure. I felt like I had to blog, wondered why my followers didn’t go up more, wondered if people liked or hated my posts. And my blog. And me.

I was thinking today of stopping blogging. Or making my blog private, just for me. To get rid of the pressure. Because my blog will never be a ‘popular’ blog. I don’t know enough about marketing it, and I don’t have anything unique to make it stand out. I’m just me, writing about me. That’s not for everyone, and I know that. But I don’t want to stop writing, and i enjoy sharing my thoughts, even if nobody reads.

So from today, I’m not checking stats. I might have a look at my tots100 score each month (not that it matters) but I’m not checking how many page views etc i have. Because as tiaras and prozac says in a much better way than I just have, otherwise the numbers eat the words.

I am me, and I’m blogging for me. If anyone reads, fantastic, I love to hear what you think. If people don’t – well, I read my own blog. (And my mum does, so that’s one person I know will always follow me at least!) other than than, I’m not playing the stats game anymore – it’s not a competition – that’s not why I started and it’s boring. I blog what I want, when I want and in the way that I want. Because that’s all that matters.

Xxx