Tag Archives: life

31

It’s my birthday today. I am now 31 years old. I kind of feel that it should bother me a bit, but it doesn’t. All I really feel is lucky; I have a lovely family, lovely friends and a home I feel is my forever home; it still needs endless work, but it’s ours and we will get it done. 

So, I guess that all I want from this year is to stay lucky. To try to rush as little as possible. And to feel comfortable in my own skin.

I’ve been loved today. Amelia woke up at 6.30 because she was excited about it being my birthday. We (they) opened my cards and gifts. Amelia read out her ‘speech’ which she had written: 

       ‘The only star tonight in the dark sky tonight.’ 

This filled a full page when Amelia wrote it. I think her speech means something along the lines of loving me as much as the brightest star. That’s how I’ve interpreted it anyway 🙂 

And we went for a walk around the country park in Cleethorpes. I like getting out most of all; I am just realising how much it matters to me and to the girls. 

We came home, had dinner together. Rosie made us all laugh lots, as always. She called Craig a ‘stupid bum’ which made me smile. Just everything she says I wish I could capture because it’s so lovely in a way I can’t begin to explain. 

This afternoon we had visitors. Zara came with her kids to drop off my presents (a candle burner thing which is really pretty, tea light candles and a drainer for the sink (don’t ask!). She stayed for a while and then my in laws came – we caught up with them, which I always enjoy – they are wonderful. Then they went and Sarah and my Mum came for a while.

Then we had tea (steak for me, pizza for the others), and birthday cake. And spoke to Abi on FaceTime. 

Overall, it’s been a good day, and it’s been a good year. I’ve been spoilt too – this is what I got:

Craig got me a bottle of cava, and £25 amazon voucher.

The girls got me Lindor chocolates and a book which Amelia picked. 

Mum gave me money, but they also paid for us to go for drinks last weekend. 

Sarah and Lydia got me 2 CDs (Lucas graham and 21 pilots) some rasberry ripple bath creme and a book.

Elaine got me a Yankee set and money.

Abi got me a white company ‘white pompermo’ candle. It smells beautiful. 

I’m now in my pajamas listening to my new cd. And thinking about what to buy with all my birthday money! 



Xxx

Life lately…

Hello.

It’s been a long time since I last blogged anything. I just stopped wanting to. It started to seem too much like a chore and became something I was making myself do rather than enjoying. So I just stopped for a while. I’ve done other things in between – a bit of reading, playing Sims 4,  watching Jonathan Creek on Netflix (leklix in Rosie speak). 

Now I’m back again – just as suddenly as before I felt that I really wanted to do a post. Because I like having a place to record my family memories, and to capture my life. I feel very lucky to have the kind of life that I do, and I want to have a place to look back and think about how great our family times were, and to smile at my family and the things we have done. 

And how are we? Well, the same as always would be the short answer. Still working, still busy, still stressed at times. But also still laughing, still enjoying life. We have had a brilliant summer and Autumn, and are just starting to ink about Amelia’s 6th birthday in 9 days, and after that Christmas (my favourite time of year). 

So this is my post to let people know that I will be posting again (I know, I know) and I will be back again tomorrow, about a change that we have made in our family that has only been made for a few days but has already made a difference to us all. I’ll end with a couple of photos of my girls I think.

Bye for now xx







My weekend post #4

First of all, my random but lovely tulips – £2 from aldi and they look beautiful (in my homemade pottery vase / popcorn tub):



I’m not good at remembering to blog. But I do love looking back at our ordinary lives and thinking about how much I love family life, the little things and our time together. It flies by, but is so important to capture.

This is weekend was a bit extra special. Craig has Friday and Saturday off work, which is a huge rarity. On Friday he made good progress with our dining room project, bricking above the woodburner and sanding the mantle. It’s getting closer to being a lovely room, but is too far away to get too excited by either. One day I will be able to show it off. This is what it’s like so far:



 We all picked Amelia up together and went for a walk nearby – Amelia was  little grumpy and Rosie had just woken up, but it blew away some cobwebs at least. Then we came home and had pizza. We also watched the muppet Christmas carol for film night – Amelia’s choice, which is a film I love. 

 On Saturday morning I went to town with Amelia where she insisted that she wanted jelly shoes and nothing else for summer. I also treated her to new books – the magic faraway tree and the adventures of the wishing  chair. For after we have finished the famous five book that we are reading at the moment. We also went to the cafe where I treated Amelia to a cake. We also laughed a lot at our reflections on the car – it did what those mirrors can do and made us look really short and fat. 



 In the afternoon I had an afternoon out – it was my friends 30th and we went for afternoon tea as a surprise – it was my first one and I really enjoyed it – the food in some ways  could have been a bit better, but it was a nice afternoon out. Kate, I know you read this, so sorry for the photos – I already know you won’t like them. And thank you for being my friend over the past 13 years – we might not see each other all the time, but when we do I always enjoy our catch ups. 





 Today has been rubbish. I woke up being sick in the night and today has been written off – I haven’t been sick but I’ve felt it all day, – just been laid on the sofa feeling sorry for myself. And haven’t eaten anything except half a round of toast. I’m hoping it clears tomorrow.

what has been great about today has been watching my girls. They are so sweet together – they giggle at each other a lot, and Rosie copies everything Amelia does, so when A jumps so does Rosie, and when A says something Rosie copies it. They have a lovely and  close bond which I always wanted them to have, and it makes me proud.

and I came to bed to find Amelia asleep in my bed like this, which can only ever make me smile. 



 xxx

The ordinary moments – aunties.

My girls have three aunties – they are hv lucky as all three love the girls unconditionally, and all of them love spending time with them, and all three love to treat them when they can.

My sister Lydia bought Amelia the Elsa and Ana dresses – Lydia is almost 18, and spent her hard earned money on these gifts for Amelia, just because she wanted to make her happy. It means the world to me that she did that, and Amelia loves her dress up dressed 🙂

Yesterday, my sister Sarah came to visit us all and bought Amelia a cake for after her tea – she put Amelia in bed, and she is brilliant with the girls – she always has time for them and will always go out of her way to help out where she can.

Last weekend my girls Auntie (and my almost sister in law – she would be if we were married!) Abi came home from London. She has lived in London since Amelia was a baby, and it is her home now. We still see plenty of her though – she comes home, and when she does the girls absolutely love to see her. She bought them beautiful matching dresses, and Amelia a dress up dress. My girls are very lucky (and a bit spoilt!)

The girls has a really good relationship with all of her aunties. I love that Amelia and Rosie will always have someone to turn to for anything they might need. I love that they will always have their family that love them unconditionally for who they are.

Seeing their aunties is both an ordinary moment, but is always a special moment too.

Abi, Sarah and Lydia, if you read this, we love you and you are all amazing. My girls are very lucky, and so am I. Xxx

Xxx

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Struggling to blog…

Since returning to work, blogging has got more difficult. It’s not that I don’t have ideas, but it’s that at work I spend a lot of time writing – assessments, reviews, referrals, care plans, minutes….it means that a lot of my time is spent writing. And because I only do 2.5 days, I’m not done by the time I finish. I’ve put aside 2 evenings per week (Wednesday and Sunday nights) to catch up and keep on top of my workload. During my working days I prefer to be out and about as much as I can, seeing the people I’m working with. So paperwork is done in between. It has to be done though or services can’t be requested, the system gets confused and if things come up when I’m not there, the duty worker doesn’t know what’s already been done.

That all means that im tired. And on the 5 nights when I won’t let myself work (I think I would if I didn’t put strict limits on it) I just can’t face the thought of more typing. Even though I love my blog, and I love recording my life, it feels like too much.

So I don’t quite know what to do. I’m on holiday next Friday for a week anywayso I won’t have a signal or chance to blog then. When I come back I guess that I will see how I feel. I don’t want to give my blog up, but maybe i will only blog occasionally, as and when I want to, rather than making myself write posts that I’m too tired to write.

Other than that, work this week has been stressful. It’s got really busy for me – its been playing on my mind a lot, and I’m struggling. I’ll get used to it again, like I did before – I still love it, but it does take a lot out of me. Next week is already completely booked up, and the week after I’m on holiday, so I have a lot to do during my work evenings!

But – the positive is that I’m mentoring a student at the minute – she’s going to be a good social worker when she’s done her training – and twice this week two different service users have told her that if she’s learning from me that she will do well. It’s something that they wouldn’t usually say, but was nice to hear. The student said how nice it was for them to say too. Those little positives make the hard work worth doing 🙂

And my children are wonderful, as always. Amelia is so funny – making loads of jokes now:
‘Mum, why did the chicken cross the road?’
‘I don’t know Amelia, why?’
‘To get to the wine shop for a drink.’
(Maybe I should stop drinking wine!)

And every variation you can think of on this joke.

Rosie has been fine with Tracey. She lights up my day – going to her In the morning, she gives me the biggest smile, and comes for snuggles with me. Only me, if Craig goes in to her she looks for me – she loves him too, but mornings are for me. And when we pick her up we get huge smiles, giggles, excited fake coughs and it’s wonderful. It makes being apart worth it when we pick her up to so much love.

And it’s my birthday (29th) on Saturday. We are going for an Indian in the evening without the girls, I’m really excited. AND it’s grand national day on my birthday – always feels like good luck when that happens. It’s the only race I bet on, and I get excited about it.

So everything’s pretty good generally – we have a good balance right now. I just need to figure out how to fit blogging in to a very busy life!

Xxxx

Another generation…

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This is my nana. It was her 93rd birthday this week, and I wanted to write a little about her. My baby is named after her, and I think she’s wonderful.

– My nana was born in 1920.
– Nana never knew her biological Dad. I’m not sure of the details, but I know she was born out of wedlock, and that this was a big thing back then. Nana’s Mum never told her who her real Dad was, and she was brought up by a step dad.
– my nana got married during the war to my grandad, who she only knew very briefly. He was on leave, and straight after he had to go back onto the submarines. She didn’t see him again for 4 years. He was captured and was a prisoner of war for 2 years – nobody knew if he was alive still. I can’t imagine what that must have been like.
– Nana had 6 children. One of them (her 4th child) died before he/she was born. That’s when they discovered that my nana was rhesus negative. So am I. Now it’s a simple injection to prevent bloods mixing. My nana’s next two children were induced and my auntie had to have a full blood transfusion at birth.
– When my nana’s baby was born stillborn she wasn’t even allowed to see him or her. She never found out the sex. Back then they thought this was kinder – nana never got a say in the matter.
– My Mum was born early (about 4 weeks.) when my nana was 45. Nana was only allowed to see her at visiting time once a day, and only through a glass window. So she looked through the window to the incubator where my mum was. That’s the only contact she was allowed. She went every day just to look at her baby.
– there are 18 years between my mum (the youngest child) and her oldest brother.
– my grandad had cancer. My nana looked after him through it. He died at home, and nana describes it as something peaceful rather than traumatic. He was where he wanted to be in bed, and nana was with him.
– my nana has something like 46 grandchildren and great grandchildren. She sees most of us regularly.
– My nana is a bit like my second Mum. She looks after us all, awe see her all the time and she spoils my kids rotten. She loves children.
– My nana is responsible for my daughters sweet tooth (I’m blaming her!) when we visit she used to want to give her sweets. I said no. She compromised with cakes lol. Last time we visited she gave her two cakes because ‘they’re only little.’ She also wanted to give her two more cakes to bring home but I drew the line.
– my nana is hard to argue with lol.
– my kids might not grow up with a great nana, but they will always have good memories of visiting her.
– when I was little I loved visiting her and getting cakes too. (And picking brambles, playing power rangers with my cousins, playing on the swing and getting to choose from a variety pack of cereals for my breakfast, or getting to drizzle my own syrup on my porridge – as much as I wanted of course!)

People talk about who is their inspiration. For me, my nana and my mm are my inspirations, they’re kind, caring, would give anything to anyone, loving, always welcoming, funny and as stubborn as anything. My nana hates being old, and has conceded to using a walking stick when ongoing out but says that if she ever needs a wheelchair she would rather stay in and not go out.

I could write so much more but ill stop now!

I just love my nana Rosie.
Xxx

Having a year ‘off’ work..

Sometimes my head feels like its going to explode with everything in it. I have lists running through my head all the time of things that need doing in order to keep things running – I just can’t keep up with everything and I feel stressed all of the time. Even when I have a break I’m just waiting to do the next job on my list. And it’s weird because the list never ever ends.

So much for full time mum-hood being easy then. I was stressed when I worked full time too, and under a lot of pressure (balancing a house, child, and full time job is chaos in case you’re wondering!) but I would say that this is equally stressful, and at times I feel like screaming that its so difficult, and I don’t know how people do it. Because my house is never how I want it, nothing ever gets fully done, and I never get to do all of the things I have in my head that a perfect mum does.

Yesterday I went for tea with some work colleagues. It was lovely, but something one of them said stuck out. I was talking to L about how she’s struggling at work due to the caseloads at the minute. T stepped in and said to L (direct quote) ‘well, you know what you need to do then. Get up the duff and have a year off.’ Now, I don’t particularly have a close relationship with this colleague, and I just laughed it off at the time. But it’s stuck in my head.

I wonder how many people think that I got pregnant just to have a year off work (i didn’t). I wonder how many of them realise that it’s so not a year off. It’s a year of lists, stress, never getting done, not having as much money, not having child free time (I’m still breastfeeding, so time away is limited to 3 hours max and is very rare anyway!) it’s hard, hard work mentally and emotionally. It’s rewarding – I’ve blogged before about how there are magical moments in each and every day – but it’s not just a ‘year off’ relaxing and going out and about either. I still have early mornings, long days and my time begins when my kids are in bed at 7-8 apart from the odd half hour. And even then I’m up at night 2-3 times, and ‘my time’ includes getting a shower! Being a full time mum is as much of a full time job as the job I’m on pause from.

Xxx

The things I don’t Manage…

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The things I am no good at in the world of full time mum are:

1. Ironing. I absolutely never iron unless it is a dress that is so so creased it can’t be worn unless its ironed. And then I often ask my boyfriend to iron it – he’s better at ironing than I am.

2. Gardening. My front garden (especially my drive) is full of weeds. Cutting the grass is the most I can manage, everything else can sort itself out.

3. Washing up after tea. About 80% of the time I leave it until morning. I know I shouldn’t but I just can’t find the energy to wash them at night, so I leave them.

4. Myself. I don’t seem to manage anything to make myself look nice. Getting a shower is usually a good day, so drying my hair / putting make up on or wearing anything nice is generally not going to happen unless its a special occasion.

5. Washing windows. They seem like a huge job, so I just close the blinds!

6. Car cleaning. It usually gets absolutely full of junk that accumulates and I can draw patterns on the outside because of the dirt, then ill clean it. That’s about twice a year.

7. Keeping my house tidy. I do try, but its an ongoing war, and as soon as my back is turned the rooms ate full of toys and clutter again. It’s like our house has mess fairies (or maybe that’s just us!) and it’s impossible for it to stay tidy.

The things I am good at in the world of full time mum are:

1. Listening to my girls. I love to listen to my older girls (3 almost 4) chatter about nursery, life and anything else, and to my baby’s (5 months) random babble.

2. Playing. My baby loves peek a boo and tickles, my older girl loves races, hide and seek, tig, pirates, parks, painting…the list is endless.

3. Cooking. We almost always have a good home cooked meal each evening, and a couple of times a week ill do a home cooked pudding. I get my older girl to help me, and we have fun and always have something good to eat.

4. Talking to my girls about right and wrong, good and bad and making sure they have boundaries and structure in each day.

5. Exploring the world – we learn something everywhere we go – it could be finding and talking about acorns, numbers, social skills. We love going out and about and it’s so good for the girls.

6. ‘Summer school’ as we still call it – spending time with my older girl doing some fun educational activities – letters, numbers, art etc.

I am sure there are some parents out there who can somehow manage everything and have a beautiful house while being a brilliant parent. That parent isn’t me, but I guess if some things have to slip, I’d rather it be my house type jobs rather than my parenting. As long as my girls are happy, smiling, confident, interested in the world and having fun, i think I can live with the undone jobs.

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