Amelia was 6 on Tuesday. I kept thinking about it all day – the day 6 whole years ago when she was born. The newness of the experience, the strangeness of it. The pain, that you know is coming but can never prepare for. The amazement of holding my baby in my arms for the first time. The relief at her being healthy. The relief of the pain ending. I said to Craig when we were alone (the first thing I said to him!) that I am never going through it again. I did, of course, but at the time I didn’t even know how I had got through it.
The first 6 days were a bubble. We spent them in the maternity home, and it was like being there protected us from reality. I was desperate to leave, and yet needed the safety and security of having people there to advice, help and reassure. Like the night I spent up with Amelia all night, and the nurse popped in and said I was doing a fantastic job.
I know it’s all a cliche, but I don’t know how time has moved so fast. 6 years ago I had a tiny baby. Now I have a little girl. A girl who is independent, stubborn, clever. Who talks about the sun being made of gas, and the rings of Saturn being made of ice and rock (she loves planets). A girl who plays barbi’s, but gets ‘nervous’ if we are watching her play – she likes to play them on her own. A girl who will argue forever when she thinks she is right, who takes everything literally. Who got 10/10 today in her spelling test. A girl who is unique, and wonderful.
Amelia said she had the ‘best birthday ever.’ She was at school, so I took a cake in and got her a badge. We had a party tea with family round. They played pass the parcel and musical statues. Her nana boon made a beautiful cake. Amelia loved being at the centre of attention (as always!) and loved her presents. She especially loves her new barbi dolls, she has them with her most of the time.
It was a busy day. But a day with family, with the people who love Amelia the most, as much as me and Craig do. I love that girl so much. It is so hard to believe that the baby i first held is the little girl of now. It’s almost as though the girl has sneaked up on me without me realising – I want to remember every second and yet still I forget sometimes. I forget moments I treasured at thape time.
Amelia, i know I tell you every day. But I am so proud of who you are. I love you now and I will forever. I don’t always get things right – in fact, it feels like with you I always get it wrong – you are such a complex little girl at times and I struggle to find the right way to parent you. But I love your confidence, te way you will stand up for what you believe and won’t just go with the crowd. They are qualities that will help you in your future.
I love you sweetheart. Xxx